BUSED, BLACK WOMEN

Dear Bused, Black Women,

What is your problem? Why are you all so evil in the morning? Why does it seem that no one can help make this a better day for you? Why is it that you rush to get on the bus first then, refuse to sit in available seats? What part of public transportation is missed on you? It is not our fault that you cannot drive to work. It is not our fault that you have to get up so early to get to work. It is not our fault that the tools your mother gave you to trap a man didn’t work. We are not the people you should be mad at. We are not the ones who deserve your dirty looks and your attitude.

Can I make a suggestion? Try a cup of coffee. Try going to sleep earlier so that the morning you do everyday is not such a surprise. It appears to be the angriest people in the morning are black women on the bus. It is not our fault that you don’t have a license. I cannot change your situation and it’s not my fault you are in it. Please stop bringing everyone else down. We’ve planned to get up this early and make this commute. We know our worth and we are not set back by the lies you followed.

Sincerely,
Seemingly, Everybody Else

#bgn

So, I’m writing a web series, or two. This year, I’ve been having great conversations with a few of my friends about next steps. I think what has made it such a challenge to get my thoughts on paper was finding the right vehicle for those thoughts. Originally, I had a ton of play ideas but, now I’m starting to evolve into a new media. With the announcement of Represented.tv, my brain has been running over with ideas of how to populate content for this new vehicle. Initially, I want to introduce a new place for others to bring their content as well but, it will be fueled by Represented original content.

Thanks to Rep Radio, I’ve been building an arsenal of technology that will support these new ideas and give great footing for the journey ahead. I’ve been slowly building up the technology by purchasing small yet useful pieces to help transition Rep Radio into the video realm I’d like to go into for .tv. The next step is to build interest and put together a team of people who want to be a part of the next step in Represented’s growth.

Then, I need to find out how to fund future projects. Creating a plan is the first step. I tend to be one who just starts without building the foundation. This is the artist way. I need to think realistically about how much it would really cost to fund these projects and leverage kick-starter and indie-gogo to find them. Not everyone will want to work for free. Finding ways to get people involved and help support their own projects will help build commitment.

I’m starting to write more. Now that I have found the new vehicle for these ideas to ride in on, I’m ready to take the next step. I have two series on the bench right now. I’m getting excited about breaking these stories and I’m having a conversation with a friend about his own series idea. We are not there yet with that but, we are working on getting ready to bring people in on his project. We are learning on the fly with pieces of the pie. We will get there once we get the first episode recorded. I can’t wait!

WHEN YOUR LEADER IS A COWARD

When your leader is a coward, does this make you rethink your own leadership? What makes your leader, a leader anyway? We all know that titles are meaningless these days. They are just a means to justify a company paying certain wages and/or delegating certain responsibilities. A true leader inspires the team to reach for the stars, to overachieve. I can count on one hand how many people have successfully lead me.

I bring this up because for the past 6 months or so, I’ve been trying to convince myself that I was effectively following a strong leader and I think I may be wrong. I haven’t felt inspired by anyone in a long time. I can say this with confidence. Everyday, the so-called leaders attempt to lead their followers down a path of success. There are moment in time where you can see the cracks in the walls. Through those cracks reveal people who are scared, afraid of the people they lead. “You cannot lead from behind” is what I post all the time and I am a firm believer of that. It is the reason my company does not have a board of directors. When it did, I was the Chairman and they were followers in a time when I was looking for leaders to help the company advance.

I could never find the balance and I had much more success on my own then I have ever had with a team of so-called leaders. Now, let’s not confuse leading with supporting. There are many great supporters surrounding these days but, they are not leaders. They cannot effectively lead a team out of the brush, out of harm’s way. They cannot inspire a group of people to do more instead of just doing enough. What is most frustrating about this reality is the powers that be either believe they can or just need a team of followers behind them.

#coward
The people with the potential to be leaders who are currently below the leaders will never have the chance to rise above because the leaders realize this and see it as a threat. They fear being found out if the true leaders ever take the lead. Sounds familiar. Sounds like a time before my own when the uneducated were placed in situations that would maintain the status quo. Knowledge truly is power. I think the people who say this should go into more details. If the difference between you and the leader is a week of training, why can’t you receive that training and level the playing field?

If I only knew this in high school, I would have turned left, then made a right instead of staying the course. Staying the course pushed me into a comfort zone where my quality level plateaued. Now, I am carrying on as if I’ve never held the leading role before. As if I’m not aware of how to carry myself in the role. Ah, these moments of clarity, open eyes and frustrate minds.

I think I have returned.

I found a great series in the iTunes U section called “What Great Bosses Know“, I think everyone who considers themselves to be a leader should explore.

WHY I WORK ALONE

I work alone because you can never trust anyone to believe in you, to have your interest in mind, to think on behalf of all, nothing. No one can be trusted. This is the challenge I face everyday and it’s why I can’t really enjoy my life completely.

Examples:

Friends: I went on a short vacation with one of my best friends and I was sure that he would ruin the trip for me. We actually had a great time but, I was actually surprised to realize that in the end.

Jobs: I think every manager is a liar. I never believe it when a manager tells you what a great job you are doing or that you are on the right track. I’ll believe it when I see it. Don’t tell me anything prematurely because I will ride you until it happens.

Relationships: I can’t believe that you would actually like me or be into me. I always think some one is trying to use me. I don’t believe anyone loves me. That is why I can feel completely alone in a room of people that say they love me.

Represented: I have never believed that anyone believed in what I wanted to do. People will tell me what a great idea the company has or how groundbreaking Rep Radio is but, I never believe them. The network is produced for me, I guess. I don’t care if anybody is listening. People get involved when it benefits them. Rep Radio gets attention when other people want attention.

I tend to be a loner. I think people in general are. We do these things to get attention so that for a brief moment in time, we don’t feel alone. Speaking of which, I may have to take back all of the recorders and be the whole network all over again. This is crazy. I know the world is pulling people many different ways but, I’ve managed to cover shows with my schedule too. I’m going to drop the names from all podcasts and start doing interviews for all of them. They just don’t get it. This is why the rich fight to get richer. They can’t trust anyone. Hmm…I have the mindset of republicans but, I claim to be a democrat.

I wish I wasn’t like this. I’m not sure where it came from. Well, I shouldn’t say that. My father wasn’t there. My mother passed away. My grandmother couldn’t support me. My family is too spread out. I have all of these answers. So, what I need to do is take back my entire life. Maybe I should move and start all over again. I liked Boston, maybe that is my next city. I should go again and find out if there is something for me out there.

I here Boston is a bit racist. I’m not sure what my next step is but, I want it to be dramatic yet, strategic. It has to include work but, it can change my landscape. I feel like I’m hitting the ceiling. Some friends talked about Chicago. I wonder what’s out there and if there’s anything there for me.

Well, I moved to Philadelphia alone. I only knew a guy named Chris Palmer I went to high school with. I didn’t hang with him too much but, he was enough to make the move. I’ve gotta do something though. I’m going crazy with the stillness.

#workalone

I HATE THIS WOMAN!

This woman waits until the train comes and jumps to the front of the line. I can’t stand it! What is so important about being first on the train? There have been times where I was very close to the train and she has squeezed right in front of me. I hate her. Not because she has to be first but, because she ignores the fact that people were standing in a line before her. You know, when people act like that, I always hope that something awful happens to them. I really do. Especially women.

I’m such a hater. I know. I just don’t like that at all. Does she win? What is her gain? We all get a seat. It’s whatever. Get over yourself bitch! Ugh! I’m trying not to be as angry about it as I am but, she has to know that she just did that. I should call her out. People need to know how rude they are. Would it be rude of me to call her out? Am I better than her?

So, there is a hot guy across from me on the train. Should I talk to him?
I won’t. That’s me. I’m a mess. Are we all cowards? Gay men? How come no one approaches me? Why don’t I approach them? I have the same issues. I need to shake this. Maybe this is why I wouldn’t call this woman out. I should just say something. But, what? I could probably talk to him but, I won’t. I’ve never been good at this. This is my real problem. It’s been 8 years and I’ve never been good at this. I need to date more and maybe through that, I would be more comfortable talking to guys I like.

Until then, I’ll lock up in my shell.

#thiswoman